Thursday, August 31, 2006

The creation of West Virginia — Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have You been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made!” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,” replied God, and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth, and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” “Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.” Michael, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, “What’s that one?” “Ah,” said God. “That’s West Virginia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and mountains. “The people from West Virginia are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.” Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!” God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I’m putting around them in Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Maryland!”

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this piece. I think it is very funny and a good creation at the same time. You've got a good imagination, G.

8/31/2006 12:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe God was drunk that day. I keep seeing some guy driving a burgundy colored car with two small American flags on his car and a glassy-eyed stare on his face with a West Virginia plate on one end and a "redneck" plate on the other. Looks like a warmonger trying to pass himself off as a patriot. Doesn't seem like a diplomat or a "carrier of peace" to me. Yeah, I think God was drunk again that day. He was pointing at the wrong place.

9/03/2006 12:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“The Bible is the best book in the world. It contains more philosophy than all the libraries that I have seen.”

John Adams (1797-1801)

9/04/2006 08:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! You think the Bible's good. Hey, read George Orwell's "1984" and start a whole new life. The Bible is like a comic book compared to Orwell's book. Pay no attention to John Adams. He was the original guy behind the screen (or was it a curtain)?

9/04/2006 03:31:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Of all the systems of morality, ancient or modern, which have come under my observation, none appears to me so pure as that of Jesus.”

Thomas Jefferson (1801-1809)

9/05/2006 11:02:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People from Ohio come Can Not Drive!

9/05/2006 06:45:00 PM  

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