The creation of West Virginia — Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found Him, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, “Where have You been?” God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, “Look Michael, look what I’ve made!” Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, “What is it?” “It’s a planet,” replied God, and I’ve put life on it. I’m going to call it Earth, and it’s going to be a great place of balance.” “Balance?” inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, “For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor.” God continued, pointing to different countries. “This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice.” Michael, impressed by God’s work, then pointed to a large land mass and said, “What’s that one?” “Ah,” said God. “That’s West Virginia, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful lakes, rivers, sunsets and mountains. “The people from West Virginia are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace.” Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, “What about balance, God? You said there would be balance!” God replied wisely, “Wait until you see the idiots I’m putting around them in Ohio, Kentucky, Virginia, Pennsylvania and Maryland!”