Loss

A self described, 40ish something, single mom, "disaffected DC insider", muses on life in her blog, Random Thoughts on Politics and Life. This morning she published a short paragraph entitled, "LOSS". Here it is:

"How do you recover from the loss of a loved one? I held him for one hour in May, but he changed my life for ever. I miss him so terribly. I keep putting one foot in front of the other, working through my pain and creating diversions with projects and activities but no one knows who deeply I hurt inside. My heart is breaking."

I responded to her anonymously with,

Would you like the sweet talk or the tough talk? Several of my friends have lost children in automobile accidents. I cannot fathom their pain. One friend's son died about 10 yrs ago as he was driving home from college. His father, Ray, phoned home to Connecticut to break the news to his parents. His mother, upon hearing the news, had a stroke. It was so severe that she went into a coma and was put into a nursing home . She finally died 9 years later. Ray says he lost two people he loved that evening.

Ray was an officer in the US Marine Corps. For a 2 to 3 year period during the Viet Nam war he was in charge of all recruiting in the state of West Virginia. His additional duty was to notify the next of kin about the death of their loved one before a telegram arrived from the Pentagon the next day. This was before the Interstates were constructed through the mountains and it could take up to 6 hours to drive in all kinds of weather from one end of the state to the other. Ray said that whenever he pulled his government car up to a house and got our wearing his uniform, the parents knew instantly why he was there.

Two years ago Frank’s son was killed. He was a passenger in a car driven by his girl friend on a four lane highway. Frank and his wife were becoming proud of their son, yet again. He had overcome a drug problem, he went back to college and was getting good grades, he had regained direction in his life and he now had a devoted girl friend that they all loved. A woman with a suspended license and no insurance crossed the lane and ended their son's life.

Fast forward a year or so. Frank is still in depression; mopping around, without purpose; maybe, even feeling sorry for himself a bit too publicly; noting his son's birthday, the date when he would have graduated, anniversary of this and that.

Ray, who is now retired, visits the office. He goes in to see Frank and tells him. "Frank, make up your mind. Either go jump off of a bridge and end it all or make up your mind that you are going to move on."

Frank had done better after that encounter. Sometimes, only the right person can say the right thing. So, you choose if this missive is sweet or tough.

And kid, you better not be talking about a dog or a cat!